If Your Child is Gay

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So what?  Nothing is different.

This information did not change who he’s been his whole life.   He is still the same child you cuddled, nuzzled, and fawned over as a baby.   She is still the same child you promised to love and protect.                                                                                                               Her goals and dreams are the same.  You must not change your behavior towards your child.   You may be struggling with the proclamation, but you must not skip a beat as a loving parent.  This is the most important time to be controlled and supportive. As hard it was for you, it was twice as difficult for your child who has worried about your reaction.  It is more important than ever to make sure you validate who he or she is.  It’s your job to be sure this child is secure.

Your beliefs are based on Christian faith?  So are mine.  I believe that as a Christian, I’m suppose to love, not judge.  There is no greater love than a parent for a child, and the return love a child feels for the parent when he or she’s accepted.

Remember, you’re preparing your child for the world.  The security he or she feels must come from you.  And bullying?  It’s much easier to weather the outside forces when it’s safe and secure at home.

Accept Your Child’s Differences

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Accept your child as she or he is.  With that affirmation, a child is better capable of taking on the ugliness of the world.

No matter what our hopes are for our children, often, who they are does not match a parent’s expectation.  When we don’t see the behavior or personality we expect, we mourn who our children aren’t.  This is wrong.   Think about that for a minute.

We mourn who are children are not.  Really???

Intrinsically, our children are who they are supposed to be.   If we make that child feel bad for being herself, what energy does she have to conquer the world?

The only demand you have of your child’s propensity is to be an honest, ethical, upstanding member of the community.

There is no greater love a child has for a parent than to be loved unconditionally.

Bullying, a Parent’s Role

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Nearly everyone has experienced bullying.  It’s a nasty problem, but realistically, it’s unavoidable.  There are just mean people who raise mean kids.  In many cases, outside forces can stop it, but in some rare cases, nothing schools or police agencies do will stop bullying.  But you may be able to.   Adults in the home can quickly address Cyber bullying.

First and foremost, stay aware of your child’s coming and going.  Once you know about the problem, for goodness sake, take action. You are the adult!  Immediately change the phone number of your child’s phone.  Unplug the computer.  If necessary, take the phone from your child.  Stop the bully’s access to your child via electronics.  You have the power and the responsibility to do this.  I repeat, you are the parent, be the adult!   IF POSSIBLE, call the parents of the bully.  If that doesn’t work, ask for help from outside organizations.   You must show your child how to be proactive. You cannot expect others to fix your home problem.  By attacking the problem immediately, your child sees how to empower himself.   She understands that she does not have to be a powerless victim.

If your child is bullied in person, you have to teach your child how to handle it based on your family code.  Teach your child to ignore the bully, as hard as it is, walk away. Ignoring the bully usually deflates his attack.   If any physical contact is made, if physical violence is threatened, then you must contact proper authorities.  To assume others can fix your problem is only avoiding parenting when it’s most important.

Above all, you must talk to your child. Make sure he or she knows others’ negative opinions are not important; those comments have no validity.  You must help your child with his self worth. It is so important for your child to know how much he or she is loved and valued.  If a child knows this, she will be better prepared to handle negative commentary in general.  No, it is never easy to deal with a bully, but self-worth is a powerful tool.  It’s harder to be a victim if one has self-worth.   If necessary, do not hesitate to seek outside help.

This is an old saying, but it’s something a kid holds on to.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”

 

 

Choosing Private Schools

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When you are deciding on private schools, you must take into consideration the quality of the education.  This is especially important in the lower grades.

At some point, your child may need to transition to the public schools.  Transition will be much smoother if the private school’s standards are in line with your state’s standards.  Choosing a school based how nice and friendly they are may serve your child poorly as he meets her peers later.

I have experienced private school children who were well prepared for the move to public school.  However, I’ve also spoken with parents who said, “If I had known how much my kids would be behind when I transferred to public schools, I would never have sent them to XYZ private school.”    So, here’s an easy check.  Ask several parents who’ve made the transition.  When you’ve discussed it enough, you’ll have a better idea if that school is worth the extra money.

If you have a child with special needs, think 1,000 times before you send her to a general ed private school.    This does not apply to a specialized school for the handicapped.

Cuddling, NEVER stop!

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Cuddling comforts us,  grounds us, and gives us the strength to persevere.  Never stop doing this!  Take time to cuddle your child.  The best time is in the evening.  Watch TV together, read a book together and cuddle.  Wind down after the busy day.   Cuddling is the best communication of your love.  As kids get older, they’ll be resistant but if they are used to it, they’ll at least hug.   The energy of your heart will help your child conquer the world.

Student’s Personal Best

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“You hold the key to your child’s personal best.” (Mary Moley-Palacios, 2013)

With all the current state and federal mandates, education is more difficult for kids.  With good parental guidance, and even outside guidance, kids will achieve their best outcomes.

Feel free to send questions concerning your own strategies.  I will be happy to respond.

Mealtime Benefits – Answer

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Mealtime is so much more than filling the belly.

For many of us, serving bowls of our favorite foods are imprinted on our souls.The supper table showed someone cared enough to make sure our stomachs were filled, and in the process, our spirit was renewed.

All the benefits of the supper table may shock you.

While food feeds the body and soul, the table itself plays an impressive role in forming our personalities and place in the world.

Prepare to be impressed by that simple table.

 Your place at the table means you are in integral part of a family, a community, a thriving unit.  You fill the circle.  You’re needed at that table for that circle to be complete.  When your seat is empty, you’re missed!   This is the same whether your table is five people or two.

The set table teaches that everything in life has structure.  You learn there’s a specific way of doing everything.  The table is set appropriate to a standard and it’s good to learn the standard first.  When you have the occasional casual meal, it’s fun, a treat.

Tasty food.   This not only fills your stomach, it touches the heart, fills the soul and lifts your spirit.

Dinnertime talk.   It’s here that you learn your thoughts are important.  Bouncing ideas from one person to the other allows bigger plans, finer thoughts, goals for the future.

You listen.  This teaches respect of others and their opinions, tolerance.

You must to sit.  This teaches self-control. This is important for school.

You’re mannerly.  “Manners are the quality of the heart.”  Manners elevate you.

You cooperate.  As you pass the platters and bowls, you’re exchanging for the good of the whole.  Every moment of your life outside the house requires this skill.

Say a prayer or a comment of gratitude.  This wakes us to our blessings.

Meal Duties Whoever gets home first starts supper. I got home before Mom and you bet there was a note for me to ‘peal’ potatoes, put roast in, whatever needed done to help expedite dinnertime.  Gosh, I hated those notes!  I wanted to be lazy.  Mom wouldn’t allow that!

EVERYONE cleans the kitchen before life in the house resumes.  Even a three year old can bring the napkins to the garbage.  If kids can feed themselves, they can have a role in cleanup. Growing up on a farm however, the kitchen was the girls’ job because the boys did the farm chores.  As long as the workload is fair, it’s good.

 The Meal

Food should be mostly favorites.  The food does not need to be fancy.  Your supper menu should be a draw.  It’s in our DNA to be excited for our family foods.  Make the things your kids like.  Sometimes the meal is not as popular as expected.  There were rare times when what I cooked was not a crowd pleaser.  So what?  I let them have cereal.  My husband did not like it, but it was not a battle I found that important.  Believe me, our kids learned to eat everything.  Supper should be a pleasant time.  Make it that way.

Sometimes I adjusted the menu for the kids.   We love our macaroni.  However, our kids preferred butter macaroni, so there was one bowl of butter macaroni for the kids and macaroni with sauce for the adults.  Our kids didn’t like tomatoes in the salad, so they didn’t have to eat the tomatoes in the salad, just the lettuce and cucumbers.

There are a few rules.  If the kids do not eat supper, there is no dessert, no snacks.  Just cover the plate, put it on the stove and when they’re hungry, they’ll eat.  No junk food until.

Another thing, don’t make the kid stay at the table ‘until the plate’s cleaned’.  When supper’s over, clean up and move on.  Most kids can survive a night of stubbornness, going to bed hungry.

Phones off, even adults!  Suppertime is sacred time.  It’s only 30-45 minutes.

What about the nights of sports and lessons?  Well, frankly, if it’s only a few nights of the week that you toss a pizza in the backseat as you chauffer the kids around, it’s fine.   But if it’s most of the week, I will ask one question.  In the end, will this running reap the benefits you desire for your child?

You can take this one to the bank!  Your kids will realize the importance of the supper table years later.  Most of your children’s, family stories will come from that table.

****The following anecdote demands telling.****

When our children were very little, my family experienced a deadly, traffic accident.  I needed to travel from NY to California to retrieve my gravely, injured mother.  Gone for several days, my husband took over the duties without skipping a beat and one was cooking, something he never did.  One meal was Hamburger Helper.  The kids had never had it and they loved it!  Thinking I had a new favorite, I tried to make it after.  You know, I could never duplicate that meal. It was never as good as Dad’s.

As I reflect, I realize, it wasn’t the dish that so appealed to their hunger.   It was their Dad’s ability to provide the normalcy at that table when their world was upside down.   That meal meant a portion of their life was still normal, safe, secure.

You kitchen table will be the glue that holds your family together.

 So what’s on the menu?  Hot dogs and mac and cheese, of course!  Chicken fingers, fries?  Go for it.   Just not every day of the week.  Please be mindful of health.  Kids like corn, cucumbers, celery, and carrots.  Expose them to all veggies.  Do your best to have them try just one bite of something new.

Here are a few easy Palacios favorites:

Two-Hour Chicken.  On Sunday, put a double serving of whole chicken pieces in the oven at 250 degrees for two hours, salted/pepper/garlic.  After first hour, put in the potatoes to bake.  At the end of the two hours the chicken will be falling off the bone.

Sunday dinner will be the baked chicken and baked potatoes.

When the chicken is cool, debone chicken.

Cream Chicken. Tomorrow, you’ll make a white cream sauce with 2% milk; add a chicken bouillon cube, a can of corn and chicken.  I serve over this recipe over toast points. This is our kids’ absolute favorite meal of all time.    This is a 15-minute meal after a long workday.

EASY Beef.  When you leave for work, put a whole, frozen, chuck steak in a pan, season as you like, cover with foil and leave on 175-200 degrees for the entire day.  When you get home the meat will be falling off the bone and a ton of juice.  Make gravy and have a portion of the meat with gravy.  Tomorrow shred the meat and have tacos.  Easy and family favorites!

 

Mealtime is Extremely Important!

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What do you remember your family’s suppertime or foods?

If you I ask my husband about his mother’s food, wonderful feelings surround her homemade pizza.  It was the best time to bring his buddies home so he could show off his mama’s homemade pizza.  As far as he was concerned, her spaghetti sauce was magical.

Mine was coming home to dowels loaded with freshly, fried donuts, dripping glaze.  Mom always made mouth-watering, labor-intensive desserts, which would finish our meals.  I envied kids who had rice crispy treats and brownies. Nowhere in my Sicilian and Polish home would you find a brownie or rice crispy treat.   On the properly set, supper table was the most sumptuous meal made with quality ingredients and much love.  Now, here’s the news!  On his properly set table, nothing matched: not dishes, glasses or nor silverware, but it was laid out appropriately.  We found nothing odd with not having napkins per se.  We had a “mopina” (dishtowel)  or two which we passed between seven people.  It was fine.  We ate carefully I guess.

Why is this blog entry about food?  Mealtime is very important to your child’s identity.  I will explain this in the next blog entry.  

Your assignment:                                                                                                                                                                              Begin sitting around that thing in the kitchen, called the table.  If you already do, great!  Here’s the best part. The meal doesn’t have to be homemade, even take-out works.  Just make sure there’s an effort to place things in serving dishes, (soup bowls, dishes), anything but the pan or package.  Talk about their day and yours.  

If dinner is provided before you get the kids home, then plan to sit at the table with some type of snack.  If the snack doesn’t require utensils, just put out a dish, napkin and serve the snack on dish.  No paper plates.  Open the cupboard door and take out a dish.   This small, sit-down time must be deliberate.  I promise it is important.  NO electronics.

Finally, require the kids to help with clean up after the meal.  The task should be appropriate to their ages. Please just trust me on this one.  Set the table, sit at the table and discuss everyone’s day, especially yours. 

OH YES!  You may have battle, but you are the adult and it’s your house, so you’re the boss.  If your family is unaccustomed to setting together, time together may be a short at first, but make sure you insist on sitting.  If the best you can do is get the kids at the table with the food, settle for that.  .

In a few days the explanation.   

delightful parenting!!

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I have a feeling you’ll be hearing more from Enzo and Monica.  They are really newlyweds.  Enzo, never married, has no experience as a father; however, his strong, straight-shooting approach is very impressive!  Monica made a great choice for her family.

Now the story:

Older daughter Amanda went to a concert. It was a screamo band, not Mom’s taste, but she went. While she was there Amanda texted both parents, asking if she could buy a t-shirt that said, “Stick your middle finger up, if you don’t give a F*&%.” Monica was shocked, and said absolutely not!  Enzo, said, “ yes… but don’t wear it out of the house, in front of guests, especially your grandparents.”

Fast forward a month. Monica’s dad stopped at the house.  Amanda was wearing the shirt as a nightshirt.  Before opening the door to Grandpa, Enzo told her three times, her grandfather was coming into the house. Enzo’s message was not registering. Amanda did not comprehend his warning.   Grandpa walked in, her sister elbowed her, then Amanda realized the problem. She folded the bottom of the shirt up and almost hid at the breakfast bar. Grandpa dropped off what he was there for and left.

As soon as he left, Enzo said, “Remember the rules about the shirt? Don’t ever let that happen again, or the shirt is gone.” You’re lucky this grandfather didn’t see it.  Amanda was embarrassed, offering up a lame excuse.

A week later, Monica was helping Amanda pack away clothes that she wasn’t wearing any longer. What was in the pile? None other than the concert shirt. Monica asked why she was packing it away… her answer? “It was a complete waste of money, I’m not wearing it because it just makes me look like a jerk”.   Monica was thrilled and told Enzo. He laughed and said, “Yep… sometimes you have to let them hang themselves. It was an easy lesson of other’s perspective. It only cost her $50 of her own money.”

Parenting Humor

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One secret of parenting:

Allowing your child to THINK you’ll do the unthinkable. 
My mother, on occasion, when my behavior was not up to snuff,  would threaten to come into school and give me “a licking” in front of ALL the other kids.  She never did, but I never doubted she would!